Today while waiting for the tow truck to retrieve my ailing car from the mall parking lot, I overheard a mom interact with her (approximately 11 year old) son.  As they loaded the car with their purchases, she said, “I just don’t want to handle your attitude today!  When you ask if I can buy you something and I say no you are to say, ‘Yes Maam!’”  As I evaluated the situation, I felt some empathy for the boy.  His mother was very frustrated! I knew I needed to give her the benefit of the doubt that it was somewhat deserved because I hadn’t heard what went on in the store.  She deserved to be commended for trying to teach her child to be content with what he had and that he couldn’t have everything or just anything he asked for.

But what do we communicate to our children when we are so obviously disgruntled?  When we model frustration, we are teaching the child to read our moods.  They must learn to ‘feel’ what kind of mood is mom in.  How far can I push her? This puts the child in the parent role, that of reading the ‘mood’ of their parent. Parents need to study the child to read their feelings and needs, not vice versa.  The behavior of the boy in the parking lot, whether negative or positive, had nothing to do with whether she could handle it today or not.  Okay, then maybe she can handle it and it will be permissible tomorrow, just not today.  The mother also needed to speak to the issue before she reached maximum frustration.  That would have been the time to teach…before the frustration set in.

If the parent’s reasons or explanations for the ‘why’ were presented in the teachable window of opportunity, the child could learn.  Maybe this had already happened, I recognize entered the scene too late.  And if it had already been done, her verbiage about how he needed to respond to her ‘no’ was necessary and appropriate.

Some might differ in opinion regarding the need for explanations or reasons.  Scripture is very clear about this boy’s desires:  I Timothy 6:6 and 8; Hebrews 13:5.  I would suggest that one of these verses become the family’s memory work for the week. This would be an ideal situation to teach about budgeting, such a necessary concept for our children to learn.